How to Speak for Your Inner Parts — Not from Them

You’ve probably felt this before. You’re about to speak in a meeting, and suddenly a tension rises inside.
A voice in your mind says, “Don’t mess this up.”
Another urges, “Say something smart before they move on.”

That’s one of your protector parts stepping in — trying to keep you safe from embarrassment, judgment, or shame.
It’s doing its best to protect you, even if the way it does so sometimes adds pressure or distance.

Neuroscience shows that these reactions come from automatic survival circuits in the brain.
They’re fast, emotional, and often helpful in danger — but they can also disconnect us from ourselves and others in everyday life.

When we pause and bring awareness to what’s happening, we activate the brain’s integrative systems — the ones that help us feel empathy, perspective, and choice.
That’s what the IFS model (Internal Family Systems) calls unblending:
Stepping slightly back from the emotion so the Self — the calm, curious, and compassionate awareness in us — can take the lead.

It’s not about controlling emotions, but about staying in relationship with what happens inside — leading, rather than being led.

A simple 5-step practice

1. Pause and sense what’s happening

Take a slow breath.
Notice what’s going on in your body — the tight chest, the knot in your stomach, the heat in your face.
This short pause calms your nervous system and helps you see which part might be active.

2. Ask the part what it’s protecting you from

“What are you afraid would happen if you didn’t act this way?”
“What do you want for me — or from the other person?”

Curiosity creates connection. Judgment closes it.

3. Acknowledge the part and get to know its role

“I see you. Thank you for being here.”
“I imagine you’ve been doing this for a long time.”
“Would you like me to understand what it’s like for you when this happens?”

Let the part show you what it hopes for — safety, respect, connection — instead of guessing.
As it feels understood, space naturally opens for the Self to lead.

4. Propose an action from the Self

“What could I do now that would help you?”
“Would you trust me to speak on your behalf?”

Protectors usually relax when they sense that Self is present — clear, calm, and in charge.

5. Stay in connection and act consciously

“How do you feel about what I proposed?”
“Is this okay for you?”
“I’ll stay aware of you as we go.”

If the part agrees, move forward gently.
If it hesitates, stay curious — that’s another part showing up.
The goal is collaboration, not control.

Real-life examples

For yourself

I notice a part of me that feels tense — afraid of saying something wrong.
I thank it for trying to protect me from shame.
I take a moment to align inside, listening to what needs to be said, how, and when it feels right to speak.
Afterward, I check in with this part to see how it feels.

For another

“A part of me feels defensive, and another wants us both to feel heard.
Can we take a moment to share what’s really important for each of us?”

These examples model how to stay connected to your inner experience while keeping the relationship open and human.

Why it works

This small shift — from reacting as the emotion to speaking for it — helps the brain reintegrate its emotional and rational networks.
You move from instinctive protection to conscious connection.

It’s not about self-control.
It’s about Self-leadership — leading your inner system with clarity and compassion.

When we speak for our parts, we connect.
When we lead from the Self, we transform.

Want to explore or practice this work?

If you’d like guidance in applying these steps — in your leadership, relationships, or personal growth don’t hesitate to reach me out. Together, we can help your parts feel heard, so your Self can lead with clarity and peace.