Every Part Is Beautiful — Even the Ones We Resist

IFS concept - No bad parts

We all have behaviors we don’t like: procrastinating, avoiding conflict, overworking, reacting too strongly. Our instinct is to call them “bad” and push against them with discipline or criticism.

But Internal Family Systems (IFS), developed by Dr. Richard Schwartz, invites us to see things differently: there are no bad parts of us. Even the behaviors we dislike are driven by parts of our psyche that are trying, in their own way, to protect us.

No Bad Parts: the original insight

  • The perfectionist part might believe it keeps us safe from rejection.

  • The avoidant part may be shielding us from overwhelm.

  • The inner critic could be pushing us to achieve so we don’t feel shame.

In other words: every part has a positive intention, even if its strategy is outdated or unhelpful today.

This is the heart of Schwartz’s insight: healing begins not by fighting against our parts, but by recognizing their protective role.

Making it accessible: Dr. Tori Olds’ perspective

Psychologist Dr. Tori Olds explains this concept beautifully in her teaching videos. She shows how the behaviors we dislike are not flaws to eliminate but adaptive strategies our brain once encoded for safety.

In her “No Bad Parts” video, she emphasizes that when we stop labeling these responses as bad and instead approach them with curiosity, we create the safety that allows them to soften and evolve.

This matches what neuroscience shows: judgment and suppression activate the brain’s threat circuits, while respect and compassion shift us into states where change becomes possible.

👉 You can watch her clear and engaging explanation here: Dr. Tori Olds on “No Bad Parts”.

Dr. Tori Olds explaining the concept of no bad parts.

The neuroscience challenge

Neuroscience both supports and nuances this view:

  • Support: Patterns are stored in the basal ganglia and reinforced by the reward system because, at some point, they worked for us. Respecting intention aligns with how the brain conserves what once kept us safe.

  • Challenge: Simply recognizing the good intention doesn’t rewire the brain on its own. For true transformation, old emotional learnings must be reactivated and paired with a new, contradictory experience of safety. This is the process of memory reconsolidation.

So while “No Bad Parts” gives us the mindset of respect, neuroscience adds: real rewiring requires activating the old pattern in a safe state and introducing new experience that disconfirms the old belief (through the SELF in IFS).

Why respecting intention works

When we honor the protective purpose of a part instead of fighting it:

  • Safety increases – The nervous system moves out of threat mode, re-engaging the prefrontal cortex.

  • Resistance softens – A part that feels understood doesn’t need to fight harder for control.

  • Change becomes possible – The old belief (“I must always stay in control”) meets a new experience (“I can be safe even if I let go”). That mismatch is the spark for reconsolidation.

A practical way to begin

Next time you notice a behavior you dislike:

  1. Pause the judgment – Instead of “this is bad,” say: “I notice a part of me doing this.”

  2. Ask about intention“What are you trying to protect me from? What do you hope for me?”

  3. Acknowledge – Thank the part for its protective role.

  4. Offer an alternative – Suggest gently: “Maybe there’s another way we can stay safe without this pattern.”

This shift from resistance to respect creates the neural conditions for change.

The bigger picture

“There are no bad parts.” Schwartz’s insight, reinforced by neuroscience and explained accessibly by Dr. Tori Olds, gives us a powerful frame: the parts that drive behaviors we dislike are not enemies—they are protectors waiting for a safer strategy.

By respecting their intention, we stop the inner battle and create the conditions for real transformation.

If reading this makes you wonder what it could look like in your own leadership or life journey, feel free to contact me.

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Breaking free from life’s endless cycles

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The Spark Inside: A Gentle Introduction to IFS & Inner Parts